Thoughts On Losing Hands In Fiction

What’s this? A post that isn’t a novel update? How . . . novel.

Jenn and I having been going through the Walking Dead on Netflix; first time viewing for her, second time for me until we finish season four. We’re also reading the graphic novels as we finish each season to see how the story is different. I was always spotty on the graphic novels, having read them somewhat out of order and without any completionism before, so I’d forgotten how many things happen on the show that don’t happen in the books.

Spoiler warning for those that haven’t read up through Walking Dead book three of the collection (which I believe is issue #36), as well as several other series (The Dark Tower, Game of Thrones, and Star Wars).

Continue reading Thoughts On Losing Hands In Fiction

Unrepentant: Chapters 21-22

Chapters 21-22 of my novel Unrepentant, freely available for your enjoyment. New chapters will be posted every Friday. If you enjoy the book, please consider supporting me via my Patreon account. Thanks!

Continue reading Unrepentant: Chapters 21-22

Unrepentant: Chapters 17-20

Chapters 17-20 of my novel Unrepentant, freely available for your enjoyment. New chapters will be posted every Friday. If you enjoy the book, please consider supporting me via my Patreon account. Thanks!

Continue reading Unrepentant: Chapters 17-20

Unrepentant: Chapters 14-16

Chapters 14-16 of my novel Unrepentant, freely available for your enjoyment. New chapters will be posted every Friday. If you enjoy the book, please consider supporting me via my Patreon account. Thanks!

Continue reading Unrepentant: Chapters 14-16

Unrepentant: Chapters 10-13

Chapters 10-13 of my novel Unrepentant, freely available for your enjoyment. New chapters will be posted every Friday. If you enjoy the book, please consider supporting me via my Patreon account. Thanks! Continue reading Unrepentant: Chapters 10-13

The Door: A Story About How Yesterday Could Have Been The Worst Day In My Life

I’m going to tell you a story about something that didn’t happen. But it could have happened, almost did happen, and the telling of what could have happened is worthy and amusing.

I started a new job last week (relevant contextual detail) and I was scheduled to go into work in the afternoon. I have not yet been at this job for a full week. I do not know my boss’s phone number, my department’s phone number, or any other means of contacting my employer.

I was doing the morning chores, washing dishes, the usual. Because it was the morning and my girlfriend had already left for work, I was not wearing pants of any kind (although to be fair, I usually don’t wear pants when she’s here, either). Regardless, it’s just me in my boxers and my undershirt.

The recycling was full and had been moved to the front porch for transfer once I was done with everything else. I picked up an empty box and carried it outside to put with the other materials. As I did so, I noticed the front door was swinging shut behind me. In a moment of ninja reflexes, I caught the door a half-second before it closed. Then I tried the doorknob, to see what would have happened if I hadn’t caught it.

It was locked.

Imagine being locked out of your house in your underwear. You didn’t carry your cell phone outside with you, so you have no way of calling your girlfriend to come home and let you back in. You don’t have your keys and you don’t have a secret key squirreled away somewhere outside. Your house is a second & third story condo, so climbing through a window to get back in is out, not to mention you’re really particular about keeping all the doors and windows locked to prevent someone else from doing the exact same thing.

And you can’t even just wait for your girlfriend to come home and free you from your predicament, because she’s gone for the next eight hours and you have a new job you need to be at yourself before then.

And you don’t really know your neighbors all that well, because you’re somewhat of a shy person, so if you did go to a neighbor for help (say, to call your girlfriend to come home and let your ass back in or to call a locksmith), you get to do that in your underwear (and not your best, this-is-the-underwear-I’d-wear-if-I-spontaneously-became-a-stripper underwear, but the It’s-laundry-day-and-this-was-the-only-thing-that-was-clean underwear).

And if you decide you don’t want to confront your neighbors, the only other way to reach your girlfriend would be to walk a mile down the road (in your underwear!) and approach the receptionist’s desk at her office (which is now the same office that you just started working at) and ask the receptionist to page her for you and you can be assured that your new boss and all of your co-workers in your new department would probably arrive back from lunch together at that exact moment and you would forever be known (assuming you still have a job) as that guy who showed up to the office in his underwear.

Also, I forgot to mention that I wasn’t wearing shoes. So there’s that.

So there you go. A story about how a locked front door, a gust of wind, and my underwear very nearly started a chain reaction that would have led to me getting arrested after walking into Target to steal a pair of jeans.

I’m glad it didn’t happen. I do feel bad for the alternate-universe version of myself who is now dealing with all of that, however.

Unrepentant: Chapters 7-9

Chapters 7-9 of my novel Unrepentant, freely available for your enjoyment. New chapters will be posted every Friday. If you enjoy the book, please consider supporting me via my Patreon account. Thanks!

Continue reading Unrepentant: Chapters 7-9

Unrepentant: Chapters 5-6

Chapters Five and Six of my novel Unrepentant, freely available for your enjoyment. New chapters will be posted every Friday. If you enjoy the book, please consider supporting me via my Patreon account. Thanks!

Continue reading Unrepentant: Chapters 5-6

Unrepentant: Chapters 3-4

The next two chapters of my novel Unrepentant, freely available for your enjoyment. New chapters will be posted every Friday. If you enjoy the book, please consider supporting me via my Patreon account. Thanks!

Continue reading Unrepentant: Chapters 3-4

Conversations With My Brain

Here’s what my conversation with my brain looked like this morning:

Brain: Let’s play video games! We should go play Destiny.

Me: We have work to do; also, I feel bad about continuing to play it so much after writing up that whole big post, you know? I feel like I’m not standing up for my convictions. And there’s no such thing as protesting in-game, so don’t even ask.

Brain: VIDEO GAMES!

Me: We can’t. The exterminator is coming in the next few hours to take care of that wasp nest. I need to be able to hear the door when he knocks.

Brain: Video…. games?

Me: Not to mention there’s a bunch of stuff I need to do for my Patreon account. I need to get a permanent page for the novel made, I need to fix the supporter feed, and I should write a few updates. I should probably write a blog post, too, it’s been over a week. Not to mention there are chores to be done; the dishes are starting to pile up. Look, there’s just a lot that I need to do.

Brain: D. E. S. T. I. N. Y.

Me: Maybe later. We’ve started writing more on that new novel, wouldn’t you rather do that? I think it’s really coming along well.

Brain: . . . DESTINY.

*there is a knock on the door*

Me and Brain (in unison): Shit, are we wearing pants?

And that’s pretty much how it goes for me most days.

Compulsively iconoclastic!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 327 other followers

%d bloggers like this: