House Hunting

I think I’m close. I’ve got a house in my sights. All I need to do . . . is pull the trigger.

BLAM. And then the lease agreement will be signed, and it will all be over . . . except for the moving.

It really is quite remarkable how you can make anything sound ominous with the right metaphorical language. I should work for the news media!

Seriously, though, I’ve ridden by so many houses over the past few days. I wonder how many people have looked our their window only to be startled by a helmet-clad man in a black and green jacket, peering into the window of a neighboring house.

Fortunately, no one has asked about me yet. I might end up living in one of these places and one really wants to put the best foot forward when meeting new neighbors.

Some People Just Don’t Like To Pay The Rent

I have engaged in the opening steps of that perilous dance that is “moving.” Right now, I’m still in the honeymoon phase; every house and apartment that I look up seems full of wonder and promise. I imagine a magical, mystical place where everything is perfect and all my current irritations have been washed away.

The current housing market around here is a curious mixture of the promising and the painful. I started my search on Craigslist, but the first two houses I looked at were both scams (although they were different types of scam, so that’s good, I guess). I had to call it quits on Craigslist after this post, however:

PAY THE RENT on time thats really the only rules i have PAY THE RENT $700 a month $700 deposit also $200 non refundable pet deposit and you move right in go ck the place out and if you want to see the inside call we can be there within ten minuets 2 big bedrooms big bathroom big living room big kitchen big fenced in yard washer dryer stove and fridg come in unit all i want is for you to pay the rent if rent is not paid by the 3rd of month i will evict if you want to live your life and have the landlord leave you alone im your guy AS LONG AS YOU PAY THE RENT on time thats really the only rules i have PAY THE RENT $700 a month $700 deposit also $200 non refundalel pet deposit and you move right in call *name redacted*

It’s hard to tell based on the lack of punctuation, but I think that if I fail to pay the rent, not only will I be evicted on day three, I will also not be able to “live my life.” I assume that means the owner will execute any deliquent tenants. Which might explain why he’s desperately seeking new ones; the turnover rate is very high when your previous renters all end up in unmarked graves in your backyard.

Seriously, though. Pay the rent on time. If you don’t, the consequences could be dire.

And fatal.

Unfortunately for me, I feel that the $200 “non refundalel” pet deposit is a little high. My budget only allows for $100 for my refundalel.

Thus, my search must continue.