Weirdest Of The Weird: Adventures In Search Engine Terms

One of the neat features that WordPress offers is its ability to track what search terms are leading people to your blog. Ideally, this information will show you which of your topics are generating more traffic and allow you to tailor your content to your audience. That’s pretty interesting.

Even more interesting, however, is seeing what sorts of freaky shit people are entering in their Google searches that are resolving to my blog. Some of it makes sense to me. My post about Tauriel, for example, generated a lot of variations of the phrase “who the hell is Tauriel?”

A lot of these results, however, just have me tilting my head to one side like a dog with an expression of “how the fuck, I don’t even.” Here are some of the (weirdest) highlights. This list is rather NSFW, which should be obvious based on the subject matter:

  • draenei male fucks night elf female
  • lara croft 2013 hot
  • primal zergling
  • sylvia browne sucks
  • what to do if black mamba bites u
  • i think god is trying to tell me we are meant to be
  • principal skinner gun cock
  • aging liberals have more sex
  • changing legs on mamba
  • captain kirk hates communism
  • catholics are cynical
  • cynical people are smart
  • scrotum length happiness
  • fighting in skin tight clothes
  • i am ready for reporting tomorrow
  • harry potter aayla secura fanfiction
  • necrophilia snakes
  • animals boning

I have to imagine there are some incredibly disappointed necrophiliacs and zoophiliacs out there who arrived at my blog and cursed my name after realizing they’d be led astray. For the record, my personal favorite is “captain kirk hates communism,” if only because,I absolutely cannot figure out how that phrase connects to anything I’ve written.

Stay weird, Internet. Seriously, don’t ever change.

6 thoughts on “Weirdest Of The Weird: Adventures In Search Engine Terms

  1. Ah yes, the lovely search engine links!! My personal favourites on my blog are usual aimed at a presenter of a British archaeology tv show, Helen Geake and include…

    Helen Geake legs
    Helen Geake breasts
    Helen Geake sex

    And of course the classic;
    Lara Croft 2013 tits
    Lara Croft and Sam sex

    Unfortunately, for the many porn lovers out there, my blog has none of the above!! You gotta love the Internet!!

    1. I like to imagine that at least a few of these intrepid porn seekers, upon finding our blogs, decided to stick around for the articles, even if we didn’t deliver on the promises of necrophiliac snakes or Lara Craft and Sam getting it on.

  2. Maybe I should bookmark this site so I don’t have to keep typing “Captain Kirk hates Communism” into Google every time I want to read your blog.

      1. Captain Kirk lives in a post-scarcity economy. I think the question of communism is largely academic, like if I asked about your opinion on strict monarchy.

        Then again, Kirk was written in the 60’s, so I guess he probably hated communism by default.

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